if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Every concussion has its silver lining
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
