Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize