Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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