I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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