i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
