i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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