If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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