He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
