I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
