toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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