dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
