Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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