Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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