woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
