i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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