Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
