the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Come see our sink grown plant.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
