just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
