I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
