Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
