Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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