The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
