she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize