i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize