I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize