i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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