K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
