i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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