That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
