You work out of a Hotel?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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