I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
