Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
