Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
