i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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