I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
