woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize