The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My life is pants optional.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
