I bet he comes in French.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
