Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
