come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
