he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
