It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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