Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
