It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's Friday. Sex?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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