It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
