he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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