Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
