we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
