Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
