How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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