Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
