Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
