Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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