hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
