i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
