I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
