So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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