He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
