she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
