Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
