i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
