Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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