Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
