someone threw a dead crab at me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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