i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize