so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
